You're not a real Texan till you've been kicked out of every decent state in America.

Discourse is fleeting, but junk mail is forever.

Apparently we love our own cell phones but we hate everyone else's.

In some European theaters, it's still not uncommon to have a late start and three LONG intermissions, because people actually eat and drink and converse during the intermissions.

It's not a crime to get drunk.

If you hate what you're seeing, you call it sex and violence. If you like it, you call it "romance and adventure."

The best ally you can have in breaking up a street fight is a grandmother.