FAY: The British police force used to be run by men of integrity. TRUSCOTT: That is a mistake which has been rectified.

People think I write fantasy, but I don't; some things may be exaggerated or distorted in the same way that painters distort and alter things, but they're realistic figures. They're perfectly recognisable.

Cleanse my heart... Give me the ability to rage correctly

Policemen, like red squirrels, must be protected.

Reading isn't an occupation we encourage among police officers. We try to keep the paperwork down to a minimum.

You were born with your legs apart. They'll send you to the grave in a Y-shaped coffin.

The kind of people who always go on about whether a thing is in good taste invariably have very bad taste.