The two things I understand best are stand-up comedy and martial arts. And those things require an ultimate grasp of the truth. You have to be objective about your skills and abilities to compete in both.

I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.

Having the privilege of sitting down and having 3 hour long uninterrupted conversations with hundreds of brilliant people is an awesome perspective enhancer.

If life wasn't real it would be the craziest psychedelic trip ever

Most of my bits are long stream-of-consciousness- type things, and when I'm doing them onstage, other places to take the theme or idea will hit me, and I just go with it.

Maybe we can combine 2 things that everybody loves. Helping out the poor and blow jobs.

Apartment living is tough action. Just the whole idea that you share a washer and dryer always freaked me out.