Joe Rogan Quotes

On my left knee I have a long scar from an ACL operation. I've had both knees reconstructed.

I think comedy because of the Internet it has a bigger audience, a bigger fan base. It has fans that understand comedy more than any generation before because there is more guys like you, more guys like me, more guys like Louie CK who talks about it a lot. When you get a chance to see perspective that I don't think you ever got to see before.

But it's hard for a chick to do comedy. It's not as open for them.

I was like, "This is a new thing that the gay people have decided? That's the gayest thing I've ever heard in my life." You can't do that. You can't decide that a word is forbidden now collectively amongst your group of human beings, that the word is a slanderous evil nasty word about homosexuals. It's not, the word doesn't mean that. And sometimes it's a good word to use in comedy. That's what your friend has to realize when he's at a bar just yelling out the word.

Be the hero of your own story.

If you haven't peed the bed, you haven't taken enough chances.

When I started out I was definitely more traditional. It was 1988. Everyone was doing the Jerry Seinfeld.

I really never had any ambitions to be a standup comic. I was talked into it by guys that I used to work out with.

I see martial arts as moving forms of meditation. When you're sparring or drilling techniques, you can't think of anything else.

We're constantly re-evaluating the potential for life. We're finding it where we didn't think it could exist, such as volcanic vents and other extreme conditions like under arctic ice. We're finding life in these incredibly harsh and dynamic conditions, so we're having to re-evaluate our own ideas of what's possible on this planet alone.

The people who could most benefit from the self-reflective ego-dissolving qualities of cannabis are the ones that want it to be illegal.

Reality really is theater. There's no other way to describe it. It's all so nonsensical, ridiculous and chaotic.

I had a sense of who I was before I got famous.

Richard Pryor is, in my mind, the most honest comedian. He bared his soul to people. I think that's why everybody loved him so much.

I've done jiujitsu a huge chunk of my life, and I try to spend a lot of time educating people on the nuances, the subtleness of the ground game. It's a big part of mixed martial arts.

It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.

A lot of times, you beat a person who beat a person who can beat you. I mean, it doesn't make any sense.

Have you ever talked to someone, and you're not even really talking to them? Actors are the worst for that.

I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.

So many times I've done a CD, and then the week after I record it, I've got this new tagline that's killer. And it makes the whole bit better. It happens all the time. But that's just the process of comedy.

So instead of investing your time in a passion, you’ve sold your life to work for an uncaring machine that doesn’t understand you. That’s the problem with our society. And what’s the reward? Go home and get a big TV.

The people I know that have the hardest time keeping it together emotionally are people that don't workout.

I think stand is better now than it's ever been. I think it's the greatest time ever to do standup comedy.

Every single religion that has ever been on the face of the Earth, ever, is a cult. That’s all they are.

I like LA because it has a giant supply of great comedians.

I definitely had one guy come up to me and ask if I knew where to get DMT. He had a crewcut and he didn't look like he'd ever done a drug in his life. He didn't seem curious he seemed like he wanted to get me to do something. Like "You're the laziest narc ever dude. This is ridiculous. What, do you think I bring drugs around with me? Are you retarded? Why don't you go find gangsters?"

It's a weird experience when you're just trying to talk openly about how you think psychedelic drugs and marijuana are beneficial, or a lot of different drugs, especially plant-based ones, can be beneficial. Especially those ones that have some connection to organic life, I feel like you can learn something from them, from mushrooms, from peyote, from marijuana. They can be used as a tool.

I had a great time on News Radio, I got to make tons of money in relative obscurity and learn a lot about the TV biz and work on my standup act constantly. It was a dream gig.

Selling your life to sit in a box and work for a machine. An uncaring machine that demands productivity that doesn't understand you and doesn't want to understand you... There's no natural behaviour. Everyone is wearing clothes they don't want to wear. Everybody is showing up and doing something they don't want to do. They have no connection to it. That's the problem with our society.

The number one reason why marijuana is illegal is because the Pharma Cartel does not want you to grow your own medicine. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper. The first car ever made ran on hemp oil. Hemp seeds are also the healthiest food on the planet with the highest protein content out of any plant.

If someone plays a brooding actor in a film, people think they're brooding all the time.

If you are the greatest, why would you go around talking about it?

When women go to see men strip, we never accuse you of hating men.

I brought something back from those experiences [with drugs] which made me softer, open to other ideas. And I've learned from listening to other people talk about their experiences, from listening to Bill Hicks or reading Terrence McKenna or Aldous Huxley and Timothy Leary. But there's always some dumb cop out there who says "We don't need another legal drug and there's psychological addiction and blah blah blah."

Comedy is really not like any other art form in that it's very specialized and varied in it's content, but generic in it's title.

I thought eventually I'd have a family and I really didn't want to be a loser like that guy in his 40s still shopping his band's shitty demo tapes around.

If I could make the same amount of money doing standup it would be no contest. The problem is that if you do make that kind of money doing standup, it's not in clubs, it's in big auditoriums and large venues, and I really think something is lost when you do standup for a big crowd.

Any comic like myself owes everything he has to Lenny Bruce. He was the originator. The godfather of uncensored American stand-up is clearly Lenny Bruce.

If life wasn't real it would be the craziest psychedelic trip ever

You're sort of programmed a certain way because of your environment. That's all you know. But we don't have that anymore because of the internet. Because of the internet we're all communicating with each other all across the board, so you're getting information from people all around the world, hitting a much more diverse slice of culture.

Never stay in a bad marriage, and don't hang around with psycho coke fiends.

If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure.

When you snatch little pieces of other people's lives and try to palm them off as your own, that's more disgusting than anything. Robin Williams is a huge thief. Denis Leary is a huge thief. His whole stand-up career is based on Bill Hicks, a brilliant guy who died years ago.

I prefer older people to college kids [as audience] for the most part. I want people with life experience, people that understand where I'm coming from.

That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.

What's interesting about science is that we're constantly discovering new things about the universe, about ourselves, about our bodies, about diseases, about the possibilities of the future. It's amazing. Science is one of the coolest things about being a human being - without a doubt.

I always try to look at conflicts from as many different angles as is humanly possible, and in a lot of ways there is no one answer.

I want to talk about the nature of human beings or how we're evolving as a race.