I really feel like it's a travesty to make a child famous. I really do.

You do what you're supposed to do, but you have to be honest about what they're doing. When you do a comedy show on a network the problem is there are going to be a bunch of people who aren't comedians that are going to tell you what's funny.

Reality really is theater. There's no other way to describe it. It's all so nonsensical, ridiculous and chaotic.

I do cagefight commentary in my spare time.

I read the things that scientists have figured out, and apply what they say is beneficial, but at the end of the day I'm the wrong person to get unchallenged nutritional advice from.

I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.

The two things I understand best are stand-up comedy and martial arts. And those things require an ultimate grasp of the truth. You have to be objective about your skills and abilities to compete in both.