Our entire civilization is built on a foundation of unfixable bullshit.

If you haven't peed the bed, you haven't taken enough chances.

Every single religion that has ever been on the face of the Earth, ever, is a cult. That’s all they are.

Stand-up is still my favorite, but the podcast is a close second. It's so fun, and it's given me the oppor-tunity to have three-hour conversations with people I wouldn't have otherwise been able to talk to. When I talked to Maynard Keenan from Tool, I almost couldn't believe it was happening.

Haters...are all failures. It's 100% across the board. No one who is truly brilliant at anything is a hater.

Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley's very funny, very witty guy, very quick.

Although not considered a martial art, boxing is really a martial art. It's a very limited martial art as long as you agree to just box... but in an actual physical fight against someone who's just a wrestler, you're going to get killed.