When I first went onstage I even had a suit jacket on with the sleeves rolled up because that's what I saw on TV or at the Improv that everybody did.

If life wasn't real it would be the craziest psychedelic trip ever

Not all comedy clubs or situations are ideal, especially when you're first coming up and I think that's good for you. Eventually you get to express your real personality.

I read the things that scientists have figured out, and apply what they say is beneficial, but at the end of the day I'm the wrong person to get unchallenged nutritional advice from.

I think it would do a lot of people good just to realize how vulnerable they are.

No girl wants a secretly gay boyfriend, every dude wants a secretly gay girlfriend.

The people I know that have the hardest time keeping it together emotionally are people that don't workout.