Hey, I stopped smoking cigarettes. Isn't that something? I'm on to cigars now. I'm on to a five-year plan. I eliminated cigarettes, then I go to cigars, then I go to pipes, then I go to chewing tobacco, then I'm on to that nicotine gum

I thought to myself, "Join the army!" It's free. So I figured while I'm here I'll lose a few pounds.

Who wants an orange whip? Orange whip? Orange whip? Three orange whips.

I did the 'Tonight Show' once, and I choked up. I get intimidated.

I'm the one who has to look in the mirror, and after a while it begins to eat at you.

Six bucks and my right nut says we're not landing in Chicago.

If you're not happy without it, you'll never be happy with it.