If you're not happy without it, you'll never be happy with it.

I thought to myself, "Join the army!" It's free. So I figured while I'm here I'll lose a few pounds.

You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right. I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you, but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me. I'm not changing. I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get.

You know, the finest line a man will walk is between success at work and success at home.

Six bucks and my right nut says we're not landing in Chicago.

I did the 'Tonight Show' once, and I choked up. I get intimidated.

Like your job. Love your wife.