You can't make Christ funny. He's self-aware, he's too flexible within the situation. It's rigidity, it's when the ego takes over and the behavior becomes inappropriate that it becomes funny.

If you wish to kill yourself but lack the courage to, I think a visit to Palmerston North will do the trick.

If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me better, which makes you more open to my ideas. And if I can persuade you to laugh at the particular point I make, by laughing at it you acknowledge its truth.

Life is a terminal disease, and it is sexually transmitted.

Yes it's her husband. She hasn't got over it. Died thirty years ago.

Filming is like a long air journey: there's so much hanging around and boredom that they keep giving you food.

I wish you wusses would stop whining about your unhappiness. I'm really fed up with it. Pour yourself a scotch and pull yourself together. Go out and shoot something!