My views are heretical to people who believe in political correctness.

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

The main evolutionary significance of humor is that it gets us from the closed mode to the open mode quicker than anything else.

If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me better, which makes you open to my ideas

I wish you wusses would stop whining about your unhappiness. I'm really fed up with it. Pour yourself a scotch and pull yourself together. Go out and shoot something!

When people quote sketches to me, half the time I don't know what they're talking about so I have to sort of go, aha, yes, oh yep, I remember that and lie my way out of it.

I think it takes a long time, as you get older, to realize just how crazy the world is, just how ridiculous it all is.