When I was a child and I was upset about something, my mother was not capable of containing that emotion, of letting me be upset but reassuring me, of just being with me in a calming way. She always got in a flap, so I not only had my own baby panics, fears and terrors to deal with, but I had to cope with hers, too. Eventually I taught myself to remain calm when I was panicked, in order not to upset her. In a way, she had managed to put me in charge of her. At 18 months old, I was doing the parenting.

What's the bleedin' point?

Laughter is the best creative medicine.

I'm always meeting new people, and my list of friends seems to change quite a bit.

I would like to do my own eulogy, and then shoot myself and then get in the coffin.

You go in and meet the head of BBC One and get an assurance about not dumbing down. And then, of course a few months later, he's been replaced by someone you haven't met.

My hovercraft is full of eels.