The trouble with the British is that they are not interested in ideas. If Jesus came back today and offered to speak for an hour on British television, they would say, "What! Another talking head?

It’s only on the brink that people find the will to change. Only at the precipice do we evolve.

If you want to know who your friends are, have a major failure.

Come to me. I want to plow you like a Calgary driveway at Christmas.

I was always a sports nut but I've lost interest now in whether one bunch of mercenaries in north London is going to beat another bunch of mercenaries from west London.

I would like to do my own eulogy, and then shoot myself and then get in the coffin.

That's a lovely experience when you make an audience laugh. Then the nerves go away for a bit. And sometimes you do things then that you've never done before that are really funny.