It's not the despair, Laura. I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand.

I would like to do my own eulogy, and then shoot myself and then get in the coffin.

You go in and meet the head of BBC One and get an assurance about not dumbing down. And then, of course a few months later, he's been replaced by someone you haven't met.

If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking 'Do you want fries with that?'

I've always called myself a writer/performer, not an actor because I basically write what I perform.

I think it takes a long time, as you get older, to realize just how crazy the world is, just how ridiculous it all is.

God was treated like this powerful, erratic, rather punitive father who has to be pacified and praised. You know, flattered.