Too many people confuse being serious with being solemn.

When you're being stalked by an angry mob with raspberries, the first thing to do is to release a tiger.

When you've been doing comedy for forty years, you really do know most of the jokes. And even if you don't know a specific joke, you can pretty much guess what it's going to be.

I think the problem with people like this is that they are so stupid that they have no idea how stupid they are.

I can do anything I want, I'm eccentric!

I tend to have an odd split in my mind: I tend to look at it as a writer and when the writing thing is OK and I'm happy with it, then I put on my actor's hat.

And now for something completely different...