Don't let anyone tell you what you ought to like... Some wines that some experts think are absolutely exquisite don't appeal to me at all.

Wine is wonderful stuff. But so many people are put off by the snobbery of it.

I would like to do my own eulogy, and then shoot myself and then get in the coffin.

The Americans are just more enthusiastic and more likely to engage in hyperbole.

If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking 'Do you want fries with that?'

All humour is critical, you know? You make stupid jokes. I mean, stupidity is an infirmity, isn't it?

If you wish to kill yourself but lack the courage to, I think a visit to Palmerston North will do the trick.