I've come to view Jesus much the way I view Elvis. I love the guy but the fan clubs really freak me out.

Blaming Obama for Iraq violence is like blaming Daniel Craig because Octopussy sucked.

I think there is a spiritual hunger, and I think that people are really tired of getting kind of a two-dimensional take on religion in most of the media.

I will kill the BackStreet Boys by beating them with the members of N-Sync.

Stand-up led to me doing solo shows, which led to me being offered my first broadcasting job, being a VJ.

Nixon was a conservative who’s way more liberal than his party can admit, and Obama’s a liberal who’s way more conservative than his party can admit.

The greatest threat to America is not foreign terrorists, its domestic morons.