If you don't want your tax dollars to help the poor, then stop saying that you want a country based on Christian values. Because you don't!

I've come to view Jesus much the way I view Elvis. I love the guy but the fan clubs really freak me out.

Being gay is natural. Hating gay is a lifestyle choice.

Impeach President Reagan retroactively for agreeing with Obama on the assault weapons ban.

Stand-up led to me doing solo shows, which led to me being offered my first broadcasting job, being a VJ.

Nixon was a conservative who’s way more liberal than his party can admit, and Obama’s a liberal who’s way more conservative than his party can admit.

Blaming Obama for Iraq violence is like blaming Daniel Craig because Octopussy sucked.