Funerals...are for the living.

Getting you a date to prom is so hard that the hypothetical idea itself is used to cut diamonds.

People are such idiots. As if there's something wrong with being in love.

the problem is not suffering itself or oblivion itself but the depraved meaninglessness of these things, the absolutely inhuman nihilism of suffering.

Did I help you to a fate you didn't want?

I kept thinking there were two kinds of adults: There were...miserable creatures who scoured the earth in search of something to hurt. And then there were people like my parents, who walked around zombically, doing whatever they had to do to keep walking around.

Chuck Parson did not participate in organized sports, because to do so would distract from his larger goal of his life: to one day be convicted of murder