We may not be the creme de la creme, but we are the creme de la scum.

Loyalty to the school to which your parents pay to send you seemed to me like feeling loyalty to Selfridges.

There is always time for failure

What obsesses a writer starting out on a lifetime's work is the panic-stricken search for a voice of his own.

Writing about the indignities of old age: the daunting stairway to the restaurant restroom, the benefits of a wheelchair in airports and its disadvantages at cocktail parties, giving the user what he described as a child's-eye view of the party and a crotch-level view of the guests. Dying is a matter of slapstick and pratfalls. The aging process is not gradual or gentle. It rushes up, pushes you over and runs off laughing. No one should grow old who isn't ready to appear ridiculous.

Farce is tragedy played at a thousand revolutions per minute.

Hell must be a place where you are only allowed to read what you agree with.