All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don't understand it.

I was just trying to blend the standup that I do almost with like the visual sketch stuff that I did on "Saturday Night Live." And so in terms of how elastic in the world is, we'll see what we can get away with [in John Mulaney show].

My standup persona is like I'll heighten things, but I'm observing the world as it is in sort of a heightened emotional state.

Things don't exist until they exist.

I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion.

I was always the squarest person in the cool room, and alternatively, sometimes the weirder person at the mainstream table.

Ill book a ticket on some garbage airline. I dont wanna name an actual airline so lets make one up, lets just call it like Delta Airlines