The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.

In terms of, like, instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.

I wish I could go tell 12-year-old me like I don't worry that you just fainted in front of all the girls, one day you'll be able to make this into an episode of TV.

If you’re comparing the badness of two words and you won’t even say one of them [the n-word], that’s the worse word.

I definitely look like a toddler. I feel comfortable and I have a lot of fun out there [John Mulaney Show]. And if I were to be extremely egotistical, I'd say I got a tiny bit better.

Understudies don't normally get invited to openings.

A lot of comedy clubs are set up with people sitting at little tables and you have everything from the way they are seated to them ordering or taking a sip of a drink, these can make a comedian go harder and faster in a club.