And even in the hatred of the majority, there's a kind of triumph because I know that, although they'd never admit it, they secretly respect me.

There's no such thing as failure - just waiting for success.

There will be a quick rash of hairy American filth, but it shouldn't threaten the existence of decent, serious British filth.

Censorship is the commonest social blasphemy because it is mostly concealed, built into us by indolence, self-interest and cowardice.

We all of us waited for him to die. The family sent him a check every month, and hoped he'd get on with it quietly, without too much vulgar fuss.

Laughter's the nearest we ever get, or should get, to sainthood. It's the state of grace that saves most of us from contempt.

Royalty is the gold filling in a mouthful of decay