Humor is how you change people's opinions, and if you can make someone laugh, they'll listen, even if they hate you.

How come there's no terrorism with humor, which is a great way to humiliate your enemy? It's a great time for that.

People vomitied at my movies; not because of the movie but because they were drunk. I took credit anyway.

Coke didn't last long enough; it gave me a hangover for two weeks for being high for ten minutes.

I don't like heroin, unless you're a jazz musician and then you have to be on it because jazz is the sound of heroin.

The "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" hitchhiker really made people never want to hitchhike again - the hitcher, the show. Hitchhiking is always vaguely sexual.

And I seek people who break rules with happiness — and not bringing pain to themselves.