"How could you think of such awful things?" liberal critics always ask. "How else could I possibly amuse myself?" I always wonder.

Catholics have more extreme sex lives because they're taught that pleasure is bad for you. Who thinks it's normal to kneel down to a naked man who's nailed to a cross? It's like a bad leather bar.

The anger I have about high school - which I do have because they discouraged every interest I ever had; actually I call it anti-education - that anger led to my career.

You should never read just for "enjoyment." Read to make yourself smarter! Less judgmental. More apt to understand your friends' insane behavior, or better yet, your own. Pick "hard books." Ones you have to concentrate on while reading. And for god's sake, don't let me ever hear you say, "I can't read fiction. I only have time for the truth." Fiction is the truth, fool! Ever hear of "literature"? That means fiction, too, stupid.

Stop blaming your parents. If you're really angry at 60 years old, you're an idiot! You've got to work some of it out.

I don't think I had a bad influence on anybody. I made people feel better about themselves.

Watching a movie should be like hunting. Out of context, every image of the cinema is yours for a split second. Take them before they bury it.