If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.

Happiness is.....finding two olives in your martini when youre hungry.

I am one of the lucky people in the world; I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.

I have an ego like anybody else, but I don't need to be stoked by going before the public all the time.

Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.

There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.