If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.

I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.

People are brought up to think, "It's nice to be modest. It's nice to hide your light under a bushel." Well, bullshit! I've never bought that. In my business, the only thing you've really got is your talent; it's the only thing you have to sell.

Your chances of getting hit by lighting go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and say "Storms suck!!

I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.