If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.

Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.

Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.

What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?

People are brought up to think, "It's nice to be modest. It's nice to hide your light under a bushel." Well, bullshit! I've never bought that. In my business, the only thing you've really got is your talent; it's the only thing you have to sell.