When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.

The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.

The good news is that the president gets another chance. The bad news is that he'll be two weeks older.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

Did you know Richard Nixon is the only president whose formal portrait was painted by a police sketch artist?

I see a lot of new faces. Especially on the old faces.

Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.