When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.

I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.

What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?

I'm not one of those who spring up yelling, "Yippee! Another day!" I'll grumble and sulk around a couple of hours, reading newspapers and trying to pick out an idea I might do something with on the show. But I don't really start functioning until noon or later; then about two I go to the studio and the pace begins to quicken.

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.

I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.