There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Who cares what entertainers on the air think about international affairs? Who would want to hear me about Vietnam? They can hear all they want from people with reason to be respected as knowledgeable.

It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.

Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

Did you know Richard Nixon is the only president whose formal portrait was painted by a police sketch artist?