A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.

Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.

I get sick of that old rationalization, "We're staying together because of the children." Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.

Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.

May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!

Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.

I am one of the lucky people in the world; I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.