Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.

When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

If God didn't want man to hunt, He wouldn't have given us plaid shirts.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.

Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.