Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.

Who cares what entertainers on the air think about international affairs? Who would want to hear me about Vietnam? They can hear all they want from people with reason to be respected as knowledgeable.

If God didn't want man to hunt, He wouldn't have given us plaid shirts.

I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.

I play my life straight - the way I see it. I'm grateful to audiences for watching me and for enjoying what I do - but I'm not one of those who believe that a successful entertainer is made by the public, as is so often said.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

People will pay more to be entertained than educated.