Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.

I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.

I heard from my cat's lawyer today; my cat wants $12,000 a week for Tender Vittles.

Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.

Happiness is being stuck in an elevator and discovering the ravishing blonde with you is a liquor salesman with a case of samples.

People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'

That would have been a great ticket, Reagan and Ford - an actor and a stuntman.