What would Jesus, or any human being who isn't an asshole, do?

What are you so mad about? That we still have a government? We still have “traffic lights.” We’re sorry. The government’s not perfect, but some people wish it was better, not gone.

The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

At the end of your life, do you give a concession speech?

I have become increasingly unnerved by the depth of corruption that exists at many different levels. I'm less upset with politicians than [with] the media.

If you try to hit a grand slam, you’re going to strike out.