If you try to hit a grand slam, you’re going to strike out.

Some would argue that the president himself benefited from a form of affirmative action because as a C student, he only got into Yale because his father was a wealthy alumnus. But the White House counters that Saddam is a menace and must be stopped.

There's nothing like a shipwreck to spark the imagination of everyone who was not on that specific ship.

That's the Senate Ethics Committee, an oxymoron since 1973.

When you're accustomed to doing stand-up, so often you're the only person onstage and it's all your thing. It's very gladiatorial. Obviously, when you're in a scene with somebody, you're supposed to listen and react - and that's a bit of a transition.

Never name it after yourself. Maybe we'll throw a with in there. That seems to work. Like Late Show With David Letterman.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.