Body hair. You know when you're swimming as a kid and you want to crawl on your dad? None of us went anywhere near him. 'My god, a beaver! Everyone out of the pool!

Some people look at a glass and see it as half-full. Others look at a glass and call it a dragon.

You need to take a long, hard look in the mirror and not come away thinking, "Hey, there's something wrong with this mirror."

Usually when Obama says, 'Let me be clear,' he's about to get into some very unclear sh*t.

Are you worried that, when you go to hell, you'll only be taking the local and not be on the express? Why would you look for a loophole to deny coverage to children with preexisting conditions?

I've always run by the hierarchy of "If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre, break something."

Why would these English explorers search for these spices, yet never use them in their food?