I remember having a grade-school teacher I thought was a hard-ass. When you're that age, you think the guy is Himmler. Then you visit him eight years later and he's wearing polyester pants, he's four foot eight, you think he's gay, and you're like, 'Are you the guy I was afraid of?

The government is just you know, blowing the doors off the media. And not everywhere, and I think, this is where you know, a lot of those blog reporters and all of those things are bringing a lot of urgency and a lot of momentum to stories that wouldn't normally carry any momentum.

People don't understand that we're not warriors in their cause. We're a group of people that really feel that they want to write jokes about the absurdity that we see in government and the world and all that, and that's it.

I visit Fox News every now and again, and it's nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building.

My friend Bill O’Reilly is completely full of sh*t.

Poor Al Gore, global warming completely debunked, via the very Internet you invented.

The danger of oppression is not just being oppressed, it's becoming an oppressor.