I only find out where countries are when we start bombing them.

We feel no obligation to follow the news cycle. In other words, I felt no obligation to cover story in anyway, because we're not like I said, we're not journalists. And at that point, there's nothing sort of funny or absurd or to say about it.

You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.

That's the Senate Ethics Committee, an oxymoron since 1973.

Condoleezza Rice was confirmed by a vote of 85, 13, despite a contentious but futile protest vote by democrats. By the way, for a fun second term drinking game, chug a beer every time you hear the phrase 'contentious but futile protest vote by democrats.' By the time Jeb Bush is elected, you'll be so wasted you won't even notice the war in Syria.

You know, I've always wanted to be a young Charles Kuralt. I started in this business with just a Winnebago and a dream.

This is what happens when you don't let gays marry; they start designing clothes out of spite.