The overwhelming condemnation makes it clear we have made enormous progress in teaching everyone that racism is bad. Where we seem to have dropped the ball... is in teaching people what racism actually is ... which allows people to say incredibly racist things while insisting they would never.

College is something you complete. Life is something you experience. So don't worry about your grade, or the results or success. Success is defined in myriad ways, and you will find it, and people will no longer be grading you, but it will come from your own internal sense of decency.

I have not moved out of the comedian's box into the news box. The news box is moving towards me.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm.

Everything in Italian sounds like 'Give me your money or I'm going to beat your @$$'.

So Fox News is the voice of America and Obama is Stalin? Oh my God! I guess that makes me Yakov Smirnoff.