Divorce isn't caused because 50% of marriages end in gayness.

If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they're hobbies.

In South Carolina, Senator John Edwards won handily, fulfilling his promise to win every state he was born in.

We're Jews. When you look at our pubic hair, it should look like Ewoks should be in there.

Do you know how many movies I wrote when I was high?

Why is it that if you take advantage of a corporate tax break you're a smart businessman, but if you take advantage of something so you don't go hungry, you're a moocher?

People, if you can't get through the puns, I can't give you the good stuff.