We must, together as a nation, stop watching Fox.

The building housing America's military brass is a five-sided pentagon, but somehow, the people in it still manage to make it the squarest place on earth. The latest evidence? A current military document that lists homosexuality as a mental disorder in the same league as mental retardation - noting, of course, the one difference: retarded people can still get into heaven.

I watch a lot of astronaut movies....Mostly Star Wars. And even Han and Chewie use a checklist.

The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.

The view... from my apartment... was the World Trade Center... and now it's gone, they attacked it. This symbol of American ingenuity, and strength, and labor, and imagination and commerce, and it is gone. But you know what? You know what the view is now? The Statue of Liberty. The view from the South of Manhattan is now the Statue of Liberty. You can't beat that!

I think, with the administration they do Constitutionally-mandated things most of the time, but they don't - they fulfill the letter of their obligation to checks and balances, but not the intent.

I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about.