If you don't get it right with your first family, you can always do it again with another.

The bias of the mainstream media is toward sensationalism, conflict, and laziness.

The reason I don’t worry about society is, nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands. Hundreds of people ran into those buildings to save them. I’ll take those odds every f*cking day.

Thus, I've created humour.

You can have all the muskets you want! You can even have assault muskets!...Their (the NRA's) paranoid fear of a possible dystopic future prevents us from addressing our actual dystopic present. We can't even begin to address 30,000 gun deaths that are actually, in reality, happening in this country every year because a few of us must remain vigilant against the rise of an imaginary Hitler.

Usually when Obama says, 'Let me be clear,' he's about to get into some very unclear sh*t.

We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.