The government should stop meddling in the business of the farmers, who would actually still be living ina desert if not for government meddling.

Child: Why on this night do we eat Hot Fudge Sundaes? Adult: To remind us that being Jewish is like having your birthday every day!! Plus they're delicious!

My life is a series of Hollywood orgies and Kabbalah center brunches with the cast of Friends. At least that's what my handlers tell me. I'm actually too valuable to live my own life and spend most of my days in a vegetable crisper to remain fake news anchor fresh.

I thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it's not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection.

If you don't get it right with your first family, you can always do it again with another.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

I have to say, as someone who is not a Christian, it’s hard for me to believe Christians are a persecuted people in America. God willing, maybe one of you one day will even rise up and get to be president of this country — or maybe forty-four in a row. But that’s my point, is they’ve taken this idea of no establishment as persecution, because they feel entitled, not to equal status, but to greater status.