The government should stop meddling in the business of the farmers, who would actually still be living ina desert if not for government meddling.

I have complete faith in the continued absurdity of whatever’s going on.

[Hugh Jackman is] an Adamantium-laced Fred Astaire.

If you smell something, say something.

It's like America has a dog that's always shitting inside the house, and we solved the problem by getting a brown rug.

I just thought, there are very few stories involving me, Anna Nicole Smith, and Jesus.

Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays, so there is a plural, which in the English language necessitates the use of the letter "S." Now, I suppose you could say "Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year" but you probably have sh*t to do.