I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about, and that's really it. I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change, but I am far lazier than that.

The beautiful thing about faking a news show is the topicality is delayed.

Here's what I realized about the yam - it's the same colour as a Nerf ball. You may be wondering: 'Is he saying he ate a Nerf ball?'.

The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1.

Everyone knows if a Republican comes out of the closet and sees a gay shadow, it means six more years of a Democratic administration.

Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.

Al-Qaeda's resurgence brings out the worst in the Bush Administration's math and logic.