The American people, or at least the ones that I get on the subway with - they know there's a real threat out there. They felt like Iraq lessened our ability to fight that threat.

Don't confuse [Father's Day] with Valentine's Day, and here's why. Boy, will you creep him out. I can just tell you from last year, uh, even if they do like chocolate, they don't want it from their son.

Apparently the only time the press gets it right is when the White House illegally leaks it to them.

The important thing is, that I guess I don't spend any time thinking about what I am or what we do means. I spend my time doing it.

When you're accustomed to doing stand-up, so often you're the only person onstage and it's all your thing. It's very gladiatorial. Obviously, when you're in a scene with somebody, you're supposed to listen and react - and that's a bit of a transition.

The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.

If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news.