It's funny how everyone hates witch hunts... until they see a witch.

If you are a minority or an interest group, the Democrats will hold the debate at your house. Whereas Republicans take a slightly different approach: they have a big tent - you're just not allowed in it.

I visit Fox News every now and again, and it's nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building.

The (Supreme Court) ruling that anyone who's arrested -- even accidentally -- can be strip-searched was decided five to four, with the votes for the searches coming from the Court's five conservatives. You know -- the 'defending personal liberty' guys. Which is weird because I'm not a constitutional scholar, but I'm willing to bet Big Government feels it's biggest when it's inside your anus.

61% of graduating teens have had sex, 37% will eventually have sex, and 2% become statisticians.

I'm not trying to be modest of self-deprecating or in any way trying to do that.

So if you're negative, you live longer? That sounds like a cruel joke.