I kid because I'm on basic cable.

I thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it's not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection.

If you smell something, say something.

[CNN, USA Today] they've got 24 hours to fill. You know, how many times can Anna Nicole Smith's baby get a new father?

Maybe we should always show pictures. Bin Laden, pictures of our wounded service people, pictures of maimed innocent civilians. We can only make decisions about war if we see what war actually is - and not as a video game where bodies quickly disappear leaving behind a shiny gold coin.

The thing that [the Senate and the House] don't realize is that everyone wants them to come from beyond that contradiction so that we can all fix it. Nobody is saying, "We don't have a problem." Nobody is saying that, "9/11 didn't happen." What they're saying is, "We're not a fragile country, trust us to have this conversation, so that we can do this in the right way, in a more effective way."

Attorney General John Ashcroft bid farewell to the Justice Department with a goodbye address. The voluntary resignation came as a bit of a disappointment to the attorney general, who had hoped to be raptured out of office.