If we are going to amend the constitution, shouldn't it be to keep the omos-hay from arrying-may?

Jazz musicians are the coolest people on the planet. Can I have some cool?

In my head, thought, I would love to do an interview where it's just sort of de-constructed - the talking points of Iraq - sort of the idea of, is this really the conversation we're having about this war? That if we don't defeat Al Qaeda in Iraq, they'll follow us home? That to support the troops means not to question that the surge could work. That, what we're really seeing in Iraq is not a terrible war, but in fact, just the media's portrayal of it.

What are you so mad about? That we still have a government? We still have “traffic lights.” We’re sorry. The government’s not perfect, but some people wish it was better, not gone.

People talk about sexual assault like it's a bad habit that men have.

The Oscars is the one night of the year when you can see all your favorite stars without having to donate any money to the Democratic Party

I've always run by the hierarchy of "If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre, break something."