If the guy in front of you at the polls has arm swords, you might want to considering filling out an absentee ballot.

Everyone knows if a Republican comes out of the closet and sees a gay shadow, it means six more years of a Democratic administration.

The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.

[When you have kids] you become much more - there are two things that happen. You recognize how fragile individuals are, and you recognize the strength of the general overall group, but you don't care anymore. You're just fighting for the one thing. See and then, you also recognize that everybody, then, is also somebody's child.

It's not really a good sign when your audience applauds Satan.

North Korea is making several demands in exchange for giving up their nuclear program, including a promise from America not to attack them. Which is a little strange because for us to attack them we would have to have slam dunk proof that they have weapons of mass destruction. I mean, for Gods sakes people, we're not maniacs. It would have to be an air-tight case. We wouldn't just come in there and start bombing you.

How refreshing. A suspect beaten up BEFORE the LAPD showed up.