It's not really a good sign when your audience applauds Satan.

If the guy in front of you at the polls has arm swords, you might want to considering filling out an absentee ballot.

Watching these channels all day is incredibly depressing. I live in a constant state of depression. I think of us as turd miners. I put on my helmet, I go and mine turds, hopefully I don't get turd lung disease.

[President Bush] recently challenged Iraqi soldiers still fighting U.S. troops like so: ... 'My answer is bring 'em on.' For those of you who may be criticizing Bush for acting like a movie cowboy, let me remind you. He's actually acting more like a movie cheerleader.

It's like America has a dog that's always shitting inside the house, and we solved the problem by getting a brown rug.

Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?"

I have complete faith in the continued absurdity of whatever’s going on.