[The conversation with John McCain] is not about being a pacifist or- suggesting that you can never have a military solution to things. It's just that, it appears that this is not the smart way to fight this threat.

I can only fight back in a way that I feel like I'm talented.

The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just walk up to people in the bar and hit them in the balls. My friends drove me home and left me propped up on the couch holding a bucket. I woke up with vomit all over me. The bucket was clean as a whistle.

I think the main thing that has to end is men's defensiveness.

Never name it after yourself. Maybe we'll throw a with in there. That seems to work. Like Late Show With David Letterman.

I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about.

We are going to be raising a generation of mentally impaired people.