Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.

Planet Hollywood has shrunk from seventy-five locations around the world to just over thirty-five over the past two years. No new Planet Hollywoods are opening, which in turn has caused a 100 percent decline in opportunities for Bruce Willis to play the harmonica.

Our show is obviously at a disadvantage with any of the other news shows we're competing against. For one thing, we are fake. They are not. So in terms of credibility, we are ... well, oddly enough we're about even.

They have to put Trump on every program, spewing his crazy ideas, because his poll numbers are so high. And his poll numbers are so high because they put him on every program, spewing his crazy ideas.

Honestly, folks, I think my brain is broken.

Everyone knows if a Republican comes out of the closet and sees a gay shadow, it means six more years of a Democratic administration.

It's a travesty that people have forced someone who is gay to have to make their case that they deserve the same basic rights...